[One shot] I wanna f**k, I needa f**k (General Friendship)

Inspired by mount_deer's (LJ user) fic (opps i can't post the link). I'd never have came up with this fic if not for her XD

Title: I wanna f**k, I needa f**k
Auther: Me, myself, and I. Aka coolohoh.
Rating: G/PG
Pairing: None (general friendship)
Length: Aiba length (pants). No just kidding. It’s a one shot. With something like… 1.3k - 1.4k words. Go figure.
Genre: (supposed to be) crack
Summary: What starts with F and ends with a K? A fire truck. Wait that's two words. What four letter word starts with F and ends with a K? *shrugs*

My very first attempt at crack… Yoroshiku! m(_ _)m
Disclaimer: Spoilers for the 3rd Nov 2012 AnShi ahead, proceed at your own risk.
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It all started after that AnShi filming.
"Ne Nino, do you think we can really bend forks with our mind power?"
"Why of course, didn’t you see DaiGo aniki do it just now?"
"But I mean, for real!"
"For the last time Satopi, it was for real!" While everyone was busy teasing Ohno and his farts, that old man was still trying to figure out how the DaiGo has bent and broken the forks, much to his long suffering partner's annoyance.
"Hmm…" Ohno hummed as his eyes blanked out, a sign that he was deep in thought.

One week later, in the Arashi green room:

It was yet another day at work, this time, it was a magazine photo shoot for promoting their upcoming concert. J frowned as he stepped into the green room. Leader and Aiba were early today…. but that wasn’t the point… the point was that… they were sitting beside each other, in total violation of their usual sitting arrangement! And they seemed to be really preoccupied with something, with Aiba's 'Ho ho ho' trademark laughter appearing once in a while.

"Just what the hell are you guys doing!" J exclaimed, as he approached the pair and saw the ridiculous number of misspent forks strewn all over the sofa.
"Bending forks! Can't you see J? We are trying to become mentalists!" Aiba cheerfully blabbered. J rolled his eyes.
"Just which one of you started this great idea? Don't come crying to me if you hurt your hands!" J chilled, eyes narrowing in displeasure as he saw the angry red blisters starting to form on Ohno's fingers.
"Uwah, this is tough! I should have stuck with the cross stitch…" Leader complained as he put down his latest twisted creation. Jun rolled his eyes again. "What a waste of perfectly fine tableware" He lamented as he plonked down to Aiba's usual seat. Aiba didn't even notice his seat being taken up. Aiba did notice however, when Nino entered the room.

"Look Nino! Forks! Ridda and I will soon be pro-mentalists! Even better than Nino the retired magician!"
"You baka! I'm not a retired magician!" Nino barked, giving Aiba a quick smack. "Wow that's a lot of forks! One WHOLE box of it?" Nino asked, impressed.
"Yeah did you know? They actually sell forks in boxes of 100s! I asked my brother and he directed me to a supplier and… " Aiba's enthusiastic recount was cut off my Nino as he started his dramatic speech.
"However, I'm afraid I have have to dash your hopes… because after one weekend of Super High Intensive Training I am pleased to say that I have mastered the art of controlling metal!" With that Nino flourished several forks out of his shirt pocket and showed them to Aiba. "See all I have to do is to put the fork in my hand, sprinkle some fairy dust and LO AND BEHOLD!"
"WAH!" Aiba stared in awe as the fork bent by itself, without Nino doing anything to the fork at all. Even J was starting to get interested as he demanded that Nino repeat the trick. Halfway through Nino's second trick though, J snatched the fork away from Nino. "I don't believe you, there must be some trick with the fork!" Soon, a snatching contest ensued as Nino protested and tried to snatch his fork back.

"Ma ma… Stop fooling around like little kids…" Sho said with a most amused look on his face.
"Woah, when did you come in Sho? How come we didn’t see you?"
"That's cos you were too engrossed in looking at Nino, Aiba. I came in when someone was bragging about some Super High Intensive Training shit…" Sho smirked. It was rare to see Sho smirking.
"What's with that gleeful look Sho?" Nino asked. Not only was a smirking Sho rare, it was also dangerous.
"It just so happens that I've been doing some S.H.I.T myself over the weekend too." With that, Sho took the fork from J and started rubbing it between his palms.
"Oi! What are you trying to do! That's not how you're supposed to do it!" Nino yelled in panic as he tried to stop Sho. But he was too late. Sho opened in hands just in time to show the members the twisting fork.
"Chikusho…..!" Nino cursed under his breath as Sho proudly proclaimed that he was DaiGo the mentalist no. 2. His eyes widened however as Sho said the following words: "… and in return of my earlier performance, as well as my role in keeping the peace within Arashi, I shall be keeping this fork as my payment as souvenir…"
"NO! You can take all the forks you want from Aiba, but you may not take this fork!" Nino shrieked as he hastily snatched the fork out of Sho's hand into the safety of his pocket.
"What's wrong Nino?" Sho teased. "Is there anything wrong with the fork? Or is it because it is a 30,000 yen fork?" Sho smirked again.
"Eh? 30,000 yen? That expensive? My 100 forks didn't even cost half that much!" Aiba exclaimed in disbelief.
"That's cos this is a special fork that uses memory metal and…"
"SHUT UP SHO! MAGICIANS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIVERGE THEIR SECRETS LIKE THIS!"
"But I'm not a magician, plus its all over google anyway…" Sho defended himself.
"Its ok Nino, I think we all already know." Jun said calmly, as he looked over at the nonchalant leader who was still busy working on the forks.
"I don't think Aiba knows though…" Said leader finally spoke up.
"Eh? Know about what? What memory, you mean we have to infuse our memories with the metal? Is that how the trick works?" Aiba blabbered, to the laughter of the rest of the members. "Ne Nino did you really spend 30,000 yen on the fork?"
"Ah no you baka… I borrowed it from my friend… Why would I spend so much money just to please you?" Nino sulked. He was hoping to amaze his members with the trick, but never did he expect the trick to be ruined like this… and by SHO of all people.

"Anyway, what's Ohno doing?" Sho asked. "He hasn't even looked once in our direction." At his mention, the four turned their attention to leader and watched as he put delicately tied different coloured ribbons to the forks. Upon closer inspection, they realised that the forks were not just twisted in any random way. They were twisted to look like dancing human beings, and Ohno had even use twist ties to make hands and feet.
"WAHHHHHHHH Arashi fork dollss!!! KAWAII! LEADER SUGOI!" Aiba gushed.
"They can't stand though, I'll have to use stiffer wire next time… and glue…" Ohno frowned as he inspected his handy work.
"Ah good… I was still wondering what's going to happen to the 100 forks Aiba bought!" J said.
"NO! I bought two boxes! 200 forks!" Aiba exclaimed.
"What? 200 forks?? Why did you buy so many forks for?" It was Sho's turn to be in shock.
"100 for me and 100 for leader to practice with… but than…" Aiba sighed as he though of his complete inability to bend the forks while Nino and Sho were able to do it effortlessly. Yes even Sho of all people!
"Eh Aiba, if you don't mind I'll take all 200 forks…" Leader said.

3 days later…
"Mou leader! Why did you tell me to buy forks when you knew all along how the trick was done!"
Ohno gave Aiba a sheepish look. "You knew it from the start didn't you! Why didn't you tell me leader!"
"I dabbled in magic tricks even before Nino did remember? Of course I knew!" Ohno chuckled.
"So tell me! Why did you make me buy the forks!"
"I just… thought they'll be great material for my art work…" Ohno admitted sheepishly.
"And you made me pay for the forks!!!!!!" Aiba protested.
"Don't worry, I'll be sure to give you a special Arashi doll set when I'm done!" With that he gave Aiba a peak on the lips, silencing all further protests from Aiba.

~The End!~

After reading mount_deer's fic and watching last week's AnShi, I remembered my friends asking around in secondary school the question "What starts with an F and ends with a K?" and all… and since there was plenty of forks in that episode of AnShi… this fic was born! Hope you like my very first attempt at some crack XD

Ok, so I decided to draw... and this was what I came up with...

my lousy artistic skills... nothing compared to the great artist ohno ><